How do you crawl out of the trenches when the enemy keeps you a prisoner in them? I certainly thought that I was on the road to an OK future over the past 2 weeks, I saw significant improvement in Jim with his ability to stand with minimal assist, transfer from his wheel chair to his bed with almost no help and a bright colorful look on his face when I would see him.
A few days ago when I went to see him the aide was getting him ready for bed. He had a hard time pulling himself to a standing position for her to clean him up. He concerned not only me but the aide was taken aback by his weakness. She got him into his wheel chair and over to the bed when he would normally have stood and turn by himself and sit on the bed to swing his legs up. Not tonight! He needed her assistance and mine to get him transferred to the bed. My heart was sinking.
Yesterday the physical therapist asked for a meeting with me where she updated me on his decline and how concerned she was for his return home. She said he went from walking around the whole floor with just her hand steadying him to not being able to get out of his chair without 2 people assisting and could only walk about 10 feet.
Why?????? He has told me he doesn't think he is getting better even though I encourage him with how much improvement I have seen in him. Loretto is going to call in the orthopedic doc about his arm and his hip and call in the neurologist to see if there is more happening neurologically that would have induced the decline.
For now Jim will be staying where he is. Thank God the people there are pleasant, helpful and family. I hate this decision but know that I can't control the inevitable
I'm sad, I had hopes over the past few weeks that Jim was moving in a positive direction physically to be able to come back home, if even for awhile. I really was not ready to live without him. I know he wouldn't be ready to live life like this.
For now Jim will be staying where he is. Thank God the people there are pleasant, helpful and family. I even feel connected there. I pray every day that things will change. I hope I can count on a little mention in your prayer requests for a day when Jim will be able to come back home.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Where Oh Where has my Little Boy Gone
Dementia, Alzheimer's whatever you want to call it.....it's a disease that dumps its victims into a Twilight Zone of forgetfulness and lost time. They can remember, just not the current. They live in the before and don't understand the now.
My poor husband has asked me for the last 2 days "What does the boy do when you aren't home? "What boy? The dog? "No our boy who lives with us," " Todd." "Honey Todd hasn't lived with us for 15 years. He's 35 now and living in California." With a shocked look he stammers and exclaims "Are you kidding me?" How frightening must it be to be told that you've just lost 15 years? We talked about the boys and who and where they are.
Tonight again he asked about our "boy" I explained to him that Todd is fine and in California with Christine. With a blank look on his face and just smiled. He said with question in his voice "Tom?" I said Tom is gone, remember he died. He said no - I don't remember. He asked how and we discussed the night we were told about Tom. Sadly he just shook his head and said "what has happened to my head, I can't seem to remember anything".
My evenings with Jim are reminiscent of days ago. It's like being at a family reunion every night when you talk about the "things" people did years ago.
I can't tell when I leave if he is saddened by the revelation that he is losing his grasp on his memory or if he is drifting back to the before and forgetting that he even asked the questions at all.
As sad as it is to think about his future, we do have some laughs and giggles when I'm there. He hasn't become the grumpy old man with me or the staff. They actually enjoy his banter and love his compliments when he tells them "You done good". He's becoming comfortable with his surroundings and I am comfortable with how he is taken care of.
I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but for now it's as Jim always says "One day at a time".
Nancy
My poor husband has asked me for the last 2 days "What does the boy do when you aren't home? "What boy? The dog? "No our boy who lives with us," " Todd." "Honey Todd hasn't lived with us for 15 years. He's 35 now and living in California." With a shocked look he stammers and exclaims "Are you kidding me?" How frightening must it be to be told that you've just lost 15 years? We talked about the boys and who and where they are.
Tonight again he asked about our "boy" I explained to him that Todd is fine and in California with Christine. With a blank look on his face and just smiled. He said with question in his voice "Tom?" I said Tom is gone, remember he died. He said no - I don't remember. He asked how and we discussed the night we were told about Tom. Sadly he just shook his head and said "what has happened to my head, I can't seem to remember anything".
My evenings with Jim are reminiscent of days ago. It's like being at a family reunion every night when you talk about the "things" people did years ago.
I can't tell when I leave if he is saddened by the revelation that he is losing his grasp on his memory or if he is drifting back to the before and forgetting that he even asked the questions at all.
As sad as it is to think about his future, we do have some laughs and giggles when I'm there. He hasn't become the grumpy old man with me or the staff. They actually enjoy his banter and love his compliments when he tells them "You done good". He's becoming comfortable with his surroundings and I am comfortable with how he is taken care of.
I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but for now it's as Jim always says "One day at a time".
Nancy
Sunday, March 25, 2012
My Week Sadly in Review
I started my week out on Sunday on the computer and on the phone trying to get a flight out of Norfolk. After many wasted hours I gave up and decided to just spend the rest of the evening at home with my son and his family.
Monday morning bright and early thinking I would definately be able to get out of Norfolk and into Syracuse, I was in touch with my contact at Syracuse airport only to find out I didn't have a chance in hell of getting into Syracuse. So instead of wasting my whole day as I did on Sunday, I forgot about trying and spent the day playing with my grandchildren.
On Tuesday at the crack-ass-of dark I was at the airport in Norfolk with the good chance to make it to Syracuse by 8:30am after a brief stop in Philly. Yeh, well when landing my phone messaged me that the flight out of Philly at 7:30 was cancelled due to fog. For the rest of the day I walked from one end of the concorse to the other for every flight that was heading to Syracuse only to be bumped. I had to have some nurishment and bought a sandwich and water to the tune of $15.00. OMG I think I know why flights are cancelled. Because the airport needs to make money !!!
Finally my ass found a seat on the 5:30pm flight and for that I was grateful since the next one wasn't leaving until 8:59pm. I arrived in Syracuse and needed to take a cab to my office where my car had been left. Thinking that would be cheaper than leaving my car at the airport, I was sadly mistaken. I cost $21 to move me less than 3 miles AND of course you have to "tip" the driver, I guess for just getting in the car. Whatever, at least I was in the nearly home.
I worked Wed and Thurs mostly to get the things done that had been left for me. I went into the office on Friday which is something that I avoid at all costs unless it's absolutely necessary. Well unfortunately it was necessary this week. Too much work pilled up to face the next week.
Well here it is Sunday night and I don't even know where the week and weekend went. I have come to realize that as we get older the time seems to fly by. Funny but I don't remember the time going by so fast when I was sitting in math class in high school!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a good week.
Monday morning bright and early thinking I would definately be able to get out of Norfolk and into Syracuse, I was in touch with my contact at Syracuse airport only to find out I didn't have a chance in hell of getting into Syracuse. So instead of wasting my whole day as I did on Sunday, I forgot about trying and spent the day playing with my grandchildren.
On Tuesday at the crack-ass-of dark I was at the airport in Norfolk with the good chance to make it to Syracuse by 8:30am after a brief stop in Philly. Yeh, well when landing my phone messaged me that the flight out of Philly at 7:30 was cancelled due to fog. For the rest of the day I walked from one end of the concorse to the other for every flight that was heading to Syracuse only to be bumped. I had to have some nurishment and bought a sandwich and water to the tune of $15.00. OMG I think I know why flights are cancelled. Because the airport needs to make money !!!
Finally my ass found a seat on the 5:30pm flight and for that I was grateful since the next one wasn't leaving until 8:59pm. I arrived in Syracuse and needed to take a cab to my office where my car had been left. Thinking that would be cheaper than leaving my car at the airport, I was sadly mistaken. I cost $21 to move me less than 3 miles AND of course you have to "tip" the driver, I guess for just getting in the car. Whatever, at least I was in the nearly home.
I worked Wed and Thurs mostly to get the things done that had been left for me. I went into the office on Friday which is something that I avoid at all costs unless it's absolutely necessary. Well unfortunately it was necessary this week. Too much work pilled up to face the next week.
Well here it is Sunday night and I don't even know where the week and weekend went. I have come to realize that as we get older the time seems to fly by. Funny but I don't remember the time going by so fast when I was sitting in math class in high school!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a good week.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
The Beautiful Mind
The Mind, what a beautiful, amazing organ. It can hold infinate information. It continues to absorb knowledge day after day. It can be remarkably creative.
But let a stroke or blood clot or Alzheimers/Dimentia invade it’s tissue, it changes into a completely different mass causing the life of its beholder to change.
Last night was a very harmonious night where Jim seemed very coherent. We actually talked and I explained how he got to where he is now. He was shocked! He absolutely didn’t remember anything I told him. He just kept saying that he honestly didn’t remember, didn’t remember anything. He seemed overwhelmed with what he was hearing and just kept saying that he couldn't believe what he put me through. I was worried that I might have frightened him with all of the details.
Tonight when I visited I asked him if he worried about anything that we talked about last night. He said “What? What did we talk about?”
Tonight when I visited I asked him if he worried about anything that we talked about last night. He said “What? What did we talk about?”
Ah – the Beautiful Mind!
Monday, March 19, 2012
The Best Way To Be Stuck
I was very fortunate to be able to get away from Syracuse for a quick trip to visit my family in Virginia, especially my 3 beautiful grandchildren; Liam, Connor & Emma.In order for me to get away I needed to draw on the help of many (who I will be forever indebted)! My best friends son-in-law arranged for me to get a significantly lower price ticket so I could fly. My son Dean stepped up as caretaker of my animals Archie & Anya, making sure they were fed, litter changed, water freshened and dog poop walked. He also stood in for me as the Jim visitor and laundry washer. My co-worker Erika helped me out by covering at work because my regular goomba is still recouperating from surgery.
It was such a wonderful St. Patricks Day being able to spend it with my little "Irish" family. Parading, eating our Reuben sandwiches and sipping irish drinks with my son. WooHoo!!!!!Now here's the kicker - Once I got here I can't get back! Silly me thinking that I could fly standby the weekend of returning "spring breakers" and NCAA tournament site seakers. BUT thanks to the help of my "source" in the airline industry - I should be able to make it out and back to the grind Tuesday morning.
I can't complain because it allowed me some extra time with these little beauties. After spending ALL day Sunday running around to get on a flight, and having my "source" keeping me updated on the unlikeliness of getting out Sunday AND Monday - I chose to say SCREW IT for Monday so I could actually spend the day with my family instead of wasting the day (like Sunday) TRYING to get on a flight. My "source" says my chance looks good for the crack-ass-of-dawn flight Tuesday to get out of "dodge". Soooooooooooooo I'm not checking flights or running to the airport and back - I'm gonna play, kiss, and spend the last day with my little buddies.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Just an Oversight
It was gently brought to my attention that I have blogs about my children and my grandchildren but nothing about my daughter-in-law. Certainly not intentional because she IS my favorite daughter-in-law WAIT-my ONLY daughter-in-law! Doesn't she have pretty babies?
Here I am!
Liam and Emma
They are so very precious!I will have to post a photo of my Big Boy Connor in a later post since we were running late when dropping him off to school and I couldn't get his photo.
Friday, March 9, 2012
What the Heck Happened
Wow, I'm the person who is the dependable one - the one who is never sick, never misses work, always where I'm suppose to be! Well apparently not this week!
I've been going to the nursing home to see Jim every night after work and for a few hours every day on the weekend. This past Tuesday I had a meeting with the treatment planning team at noon.
So I left work and went to the meeting and while I was there got to visit with Jim during his lunch before he was whisked off to physical therapy. So when the day went long at work, getting out a little later than normal, I thought "well, I saw him today so I will skip going up tonight and give myself a little break and get home a little earlier, maybe eat before 8pm". So I went home, walked the dog and had a small sandwich and relaxed.
About 2am my stomach was churning. I was sick to my stomach and felt I was going to hurl. Nothing was coming up but the uneasiness of my stomach was keeping me awake. When my alarm went off at 6 I got up and thought well, maybe it will pass. OH NO!!!! I didn't make it to a standing position before I hurled in the bucket I got earlier "just in case". Nice!!
Well after a few minutes I felt better. Thought it was a fluke, so I jumped in the shower and thought it will pass. OH NO! Stepped out of the shower and had a rerun of before. So I reluctanly called the boss and said I can't make it today (Wednesday's being one of our busy days). She understood since, well I never call in sick. I called the nursing home and said "Please tell Jim I won't be there today because I am sick".
The next morning feeling a bit better (but not quite 100%) I went into the office to catch up on work that was left for me. No one was woring due to vacations and days off so I knew I wouldn't infect anyone. The longer I worked the more my stomach started feeling bad. I was like "what the heck" and OH NO started rebelling from the other end. I got home before any messy incident and called the nursing home and said "Please tell Jim I won't be there again today because I am still sick".
I slept most of the evening and through the night unable to move well due to very sore bottom. This morning I felt better, not vomiting, no diareha but very shakey and still not feeling like my self. I decided I wanted to give it one more day so not to take any germs to the nursng home to cause any illnesses. Again, "tell Jim I can't make it because I'm still sick". (poor Jim, I haven't seen him in 3 days but he doesn't realize it. Dean went to visit him today and asked if Jim saw me yesterday and Jim responded "Just briefly".
Moral of the story - Don't ever think you are invincible. Germs CAN invade your suit of armour.
Stay Healthy
Nancy
I've been going to the nursing home to see Jim every night after work and for a few hours every day on the weekend. This past Tuesday I had a meeting with the treatment planning team at noon.
So I left work and went to the meeting and while I was there got to visit with Jim during his lunch before he was whisked off to physical therapy. So when the day went long at work, getting out a little later than normal, I thought "well, I saw him today so I will skip going up tonight and give myself a little break and get home a little earlier, maybe eat before 8pm". So I went home, walked the dog and had a small sandwich and relaxed.
About 2am my stomach was churning. I was sick to my stomach and felt I was going to hurl. Nothing was coming up but the uneasiness of my stomach was keeping me awake. When my alarm went off at 6 I got up and thought well, maybe it will pass. OH NO!!!! I didn't make it to a standing position before I hurled in the bucket I got earlier "just in case". Nice!!
Well after a few minutes I felt better. Thought it was a fluke, so I jumped in the shower and thought it will pass. OH NO! Stepped out of the shower and had a rerun of before. So I reluctanly called the boss and said I can't make it today (Wednesday's being one of our busy days). She understood since, well I never call in sick. I called the nursing home and said "Please tell Jim I won't be there today because I am sick".
The next morning feeling a bit better (but not quite 100%) I went into the office to catch up on work that was left for me. No one was woring due to vacations and days off so I knew I wouldn't infect anyone. The longer I worked the more my stomach started feeling bad. I was like "what the heck" and OH NO started rebelling from the other end. I got home before any messy incident and called the nursing home and said "Please tell Jim I won't be there again today because I am still sick".
I slept most of the evening and through the night unable to move well due to very sore bottom. This morning I felt better, not vomiting, no diareha but very shakey and still not feeling like my self. I decided I wanted to give it one more day so not to take any germs to the nursng home to cause any illnesses. Again, "tell Jim I can't make it because I'm still sick". (poor Jim, I haven't seen him in 3 days but he doesn't realize it. Dean went to visit him today and asked if Jim saw me yesterday and Jim responded "Just briefly".
Moral of the story - Don't ever think you are invincible. Germs CAN invade your suit of armour.
Stay Healthy
Nancy
Thursday, March 8, 2012
My Wait Might be Over
After a very long 75 days from the time my grand-daughter was born, I will finally get to see her in person and hug the little bug! I don't want to get too excited, things have happened that have delayed my visit so I don't want to jinx it. BUT my good friends son-in-law is getting me a standby flight at an affordable fee so I can leave next Wednesday. Not a long trip but I will at least get to see my grandchildren. All of them!!!!With Jim in Loretto Rehab, I will leave Dean in charge of visits to make sure he's ok. I will also have Dean care for the cat and dog. I can't wait. I miss them so much!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)