Where Oh Where has my Little Boy Gone

Dementia, Alzheimer's whatever you want to call it.....it's a disease that dumps its victims into a Twilight Zone of forgetfulness and lost time.  They can remember, just not the current.  They live in the before and don't understand the now.

My poor husband has asked me for the last 2 days "What does the boy do when you aren't home?  "What boy?  The dog?  "No our boy who lives with us," " Todd."  "Honey Todd hasn't lived with us for 15 years.  He's 35 now and living in California."  With a shocked look he stammers and exclaims "Are you kidding me?"  How frightening must it be to be told that you've just lost 15 years?  We talked about the boys and who and where they are. 

Tonight again he asked about our "boy"  I explained to him that Todd is fine and in California with Christine.  With a blank look on his face and just smiled.  He said with question in his voice "Tom?"  I said Tom is gone, remember he died.  He said no - I don't remember.  He asked how and we discussed the night we were told about Tom.  Sadly he just shook his head and said "what has happened to my head, I can't seem to remember anything".

My evenings with Jim are reminiscent of days ago.  It's like being at a family reunion every night when you talk about the "things" people did years ago.

I can't tell when I leave if he is saddened by the revelation that he is losing his grasp on his memory or if he is drifting back to the before and forgetting that he even asked the questions at all. 

As sad as it is to think about his future, we do have some laughs and giggles when I'm there.  He hasn't become the grumpy old man with me or the staff.  They actually enjoy his banter and love his compliments when he tells them "You done good".  He's becoming comfortable with his surroundings and I am comfortable with how he is taken care of.

I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but for now it's as Jim always says "One day at a time".

Nancy