Where O Where has my blog gone

So sorry bloggers that I have strayed from the pack.  I could make excuses, tell you that bringing my husband home and hiring a care-taker and working full time has kept me too busy to "jot a line or 2".  Instead I'll just appologize and move on!

Today as I write I am spending the last 47 minutes of my birthday analyzing the last 65 years.  Of course I dont remember the first few.  I was a kid and did kid things. But I remember living in Utica, telephone party lines, our 1st TV with 1 channel and that came on at 4pm.  I remember walking to school 16 blocks with no days off for snow and walking home for lunch.  I remember playing outside with neighborhood kids with imaginations that were wild.  I remember corner stores and neighborhood pharmacies, penny candy and drive-in movies.  A time when doctors made house calls, dentists were just for toothaches and on Easter you always had a new outfit that included gloves and a hat.  I remember when stores were closed on Sundays and the Pledge of Allegance was said in school daily.  I remember the princess phone, the days when school mascots didn't have to be politically correct, and the jitter-bug.  I remember when a school had a dress code and when people dressed up to go to church. 

So much has happened over these 65 years.  I've witnessed many changes - some good, some bad and I look forward to many others.

Back In the Saddle Again!

 

      Wow, it has been sometime since "I jotted a line or 2".  I'd have to use the excuse that I have been busy.  I know, I know - everyone uses that excuse and very loosely at times.  Perhaps mine is weak also because I do find the time to jump on Facebook and answer emails.  Oh well anyway - I have been busy getting life in order to bring Jim home. 

 

     So now I have him back at the ranch and we're happy to spend time together in our own place.  I know this road isn't an easy one and can be a long one but I'm prepared to give it my all and pave it together (or alone, which is where I think I am sometimes).   Jim has his good days and bad ones.  He has been doing well, walking with his walker to and from the bathroom, dinner table and bedroom.  He's been eating well and is getting along well with his companion/aide who stays with him while I am at work. 

 

     Hopefully this will continue to work.  I'm hoping life lets us be together for a long while before the man I have known for the past 24 years is turned into a mere fragment of who he was.  For now he still knows me, most of the time, and he laughs when I tell him stories of days gone by. 

 

     I'm ready to ride long and hard to make this all work.  Prayers and thoughts are greatly appreciated.

"Where in the Hell is the Prozac?"

It has been some time since I last jotted a line.  It could be out of nothing good to say or that depression sucks the life out of you!  Anyhow, it has been a crazy few months.  I don't want to be a complainer but I must confess, I've realized over the past couple of weeks that unless you are a very wealthy person who can afford ANYHTING or a very destitute person who can afford NOTHING, you are destined to be in for a struggle!  I guess Middle class syndrome!  You go to work and try not to be the slugs that smoke and suck down beer during the day sitting on their front porch while their kids run recklessly around the neighborhood dodging cars.  You at least attempt to stay above board but fall further behind monthly, weekly and daily.  When you are in need of extra help the "system" tells you that YOU make too much money!

You see the "system" has a guideline they work off.  I guess I figured they must have some rules they follow, but hard to know what they are when I'm in the store and see the STUFF medicaid people buy.  I think, "wow, how nice they can live this good and not spend an hour working for it".  What I find out now is that they base everything on your GROSS salary.  Not Net Pay which is many hundreds less than my Gross.  Then they say "you Mrs. C. exceed the guideline, therefore for Medicaid to help pay your husbands nursing home expenses we will need to take all of his Social Security, all of his pension and some of your pay."  "Oh and by the way, when we told you not to pay anything because Medicaid would go back 4 months and take care of the expenses, we forgot to tell you that the amount Medicaid would cover would be minus the monthly amount that we have figured for you to be responsible for."  "So now Mrs. C because his expenses for February and March didn't exceed your required amount owed, Medicaid will not be picking up any bills for those months so you are responsible for paying those." "WWWWHAT????"  "And when you look at the amount we have figured that you will owe each month and go back and multiply that by April, May, June, July and August you will owe the nursing home $", well I won't go into the exact amount, I'll just say it had 5 figures before the decimal point!

The state of shock I've been in since Friday has blurred my vision, caused extreme nausea and cramping,  ungodly diarrhea and severe confusion thinking!  I made the woman call me back twice to repeat how they computed their figures.  Now,  I do figures on a daily basis at work, what I would call Intermediate Bookkeeping, but I just couldn't get my brain to wrap around understanding how they came up with their figures.  Then I sat down and looked at my daily expenses, taking out everything except my home, car, G&E, Insurance, phone & gas and I found I had enough left over to split up a Raman Noodles dinner into 31 individual portions but had to eliminate my prescriptions, vet bills, dog & cat food, my Dr. co-pays and any personal necessities such as toilet paper, soap & shampoo.

I believe now after going through the application process for Medicare Ins. and the application process for Medicaid approval, I can probably set up self-help classes in the evening to teach for a fee that would help defer expenses - No wait - what was I thinking - the more money I make, the more they will take from me because of the FORMULA!!!!!!!!!

My Friday Letters

Wow it's Friday already and I have nothing productive to show from my mini-Va-Ca time off.  It's gone by fast!  

Dear Work:  Luv ya but don't miss ya! 


Dear Mailman:  I know having several days off from work is nice and relaxing for me, but be kind to me on Monday when you deliver the 5 days of mail I need to post.

Dear Archie:  Sorry buddy, mama got real screwed up on her days and forgot your grooming visit!   We have to wait another whole week for your new ear studs.   




Dear Jim:  We have a big adventure coming up tomorrow but you don't know it yet. 

Dear Jamison:  You know I love you, you good old Irish Whiskey you; but I have been introduced to a new beverage that is quite tasty.  It's Ciroc and it's Vodka and it comes in flavors!  Pretty tasty over ice! 







Dear Anya:  If you don't stop jumping on my stomach at 3 in the morning with that soggy bird toy, you may find yourself locked in your room.




Dear Weatherman:  We sure could use some rain.  My lawn is brown and the ground is cracking under my feet, everything is dry and dusty but don't rain tomorrow because my niece is getting married outside. 


Dear Alarm Clock: Don't let me forget to set you for Monday morning.

Have a great weekend.

Thank GOD it's ummm Tuesday

      Let me start by saying I love my job!  Many people can't say that.  I love the people I work with, I love the patients in our practice, I love the office we work in, I love my boss even though she micro-manages "occasionally". I am in a place I like going to daily.

      BUT, there are times when the workload is overwhelming and the demands to get things finished puts pressure on the day. (It couldn't have anything to do with getting older) With a holiday in the middle of the week, it screws everything up! Literally! Not to mention that my "partner" in the front office who takes care of everyday business so I can get administrative stuff done, is STILL out of work.   That leaves me with, Oh lets see, 2 jobs.  But  the drama of her debacalled Appendectomy is another whole blog in itself.  Maybe we will put our heads together for that blog in the future.

      Back to the week!  I never realized that 2 days of work could feel like 5.  When I was done tonight it felt like Friday and I don't even work on Fridays!  Being that I will be off for the rest of the week (little mini va-ca) I was pressed to get ALL of the things done that I usually have 2 more days to complete.  Along with all of the regular work, patients and phone calls, we are in the middle of a large project that required some extra paperwork, emails and time, from somewhere.

     Well, I did it!  Made it through the day! I couldn't wait to get home and change into something other than my uniform suit, pour myself a little Jamison on the rocks and eat something unhealthy to start off the holiday week/weekend.

      So I sit here, sipping my drink, and thanking GOD it's ummmmm ONLY Tuesday!

Enjoy your 4th of July holiday bloggers!

My Friday Letters

Dear Alarm Clock:  I didn't want to hear you this morning.  Oh I know you gave me an extra hour and a half but still it's Friday!  Dear Dr. Brown:  Why oh why did I schedule a 9AM appointment on a Friday.  That's my lazy morning day.  Dear Shel:  Thanks for getting out of bed and throwing on some clothes to go to breakfast with me.  We both needed that "lumberjack" breakfast and wonderful conversation.  Dear Christopher & Banks:  I luv your store, luv your clothes.  I should stay far away from you but when I need an outfit for something, you always have it.  Dear Jim:  Sorry honey, but after visiting 3 nights in a row, I'm taking tonight off to cook me a dinner and relax; maybe even have me a Jameson.  I love you!  Dear Emma:  I heard from mommy that at your doctor visit today you weighed in at 18 lbs, you little chunky monkey. Dear Greasy Cheeseburgers:  Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.  Dear Weekend:  Please don't go by too fast!  Dear Work:  Even if the weekend does go by fast, I only have 2 days to work next week!  Ya!

Enjoy the weekend!

Importance of the Little Things!

In my visits to the nursing home to visit Jim, I find that because I am a frequent visitor, other residents are requesting my attention.  Some ask me to help them straighten their chair, or cut their meat, or move their foot on the chair pedals or just want to share a word or two.  Jim's dining table companion sees me helping Jim with a mouthful of food and requests my help.  I'm getting to know everyones name and I feel like a rock star when I exit the elevator or enter the dining room. 

I'm aware that they all want a little personal attention.  Although the nurses and aides are great, like every other business these days, they are pushed to their limit on minimal staff.  They are sweet to the residents and spend the time needed to fulfill each ones request, but they are busy and pulled in every direction.  They thank me for my help when I move someone up to the table or get a resident to sit or pick something up for one.  Just little gestures but appreciated.

Oh don't get me wrong, there are a few residents there that represent the image of the "crumpy old man".  They are rude, demanding, loud and argumentive.  Those I stay away from, although I have made an attempt at a friendly "Hello".

I guess what is important is that everyone likes attention. Nursing homes can be sad places, but if I can make not only Jim feel better when I visit, but Donald, Sy, Richard, Dorothy, Clare, Albert, Patricia, Agnes and many others, then I guess the time I take to visit 4 to 5 times a week, is well worth it!

Fathers Day Weekend

My time was not as full this weekend and I got to visit Jim for a couple of hours everyday.

Friday was a beautiful day. When I got there I took him outside.  We parked his wheelchair next to a bench facing the parking lot and admired the beautifully manicured lawn and watched the birds.  Jim kept  saying what a beautiful day it was and then wanted to know "what's the name of this park?"  I said "Loretto" and he chuckled and said "that's a coincidence".

Friday was Jim's Grooming Day.  We cut his hair, trimmed his mustache, groomed his eyebrows, trimmed the hair in his nose, cut the hair growing out of his ears and shaved him.  Jim may be missing his memory and may have lost his ability to walk BUT the one thing he hasn't lost is hair!  It seems to be growing everywhere.  He laughed when I said that to him and said "you can call me Sasquatch!"



Yesterday Jim's roommate Glenn (Hoot) passed away. He had been the first roommate that Jim has talked to.  So I said "you'll be getting a new roommate" and he responded "probably another man, I don't think they would let a woman stay in here".  Spot on Jimmy!


Today I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner per his request although he didn't remember asking.  I went up to his room and told him we should go outside and get some fresh air.  We got out there and found our spot near a bench where I could sit with him.  It was very windy but 85 degrees.  I had to go back up to his room and get his hoodie because he had goosebumps.  As he was eating he said to me "what are you going to do when we can't picnic here anymore?"  I said "why don't you want me to bring lunch to eat outside anymore?"  He said "Yeah but we can picnic anywhere we want - because we are spontaneous".  Yep!             On Thursday last week he asked if I could get a Fathers Day card out to his father and while I was at it send one to my father.  My dad has been dead for 30 years and when I told him that I didn't think they would deliver it there, he looked at me and said "Heaven?"  "Well you can try."   I try not to let myself think about what has happened with Jim and focus on our visits and enjoy that he still has a sense of humor and makes me laugh.  Happy Fathers Day Jimbo!

T

Drivin to Cape Cahd for some Chowdah!

In an attempt to become more knowledgeable, my boss took 3 of us to Boston to attend the annual AADSM (American Academy of Dental Sleep Medicine) Conference.  We arrived on Wednesday evening and left Saturday evening.  The majority of the time was spent in forums and conference rooms trying to absorb a multitude of statistics, reports, research and techniques. 

When we got breaks we were eating.  The first morning we had the most expensive eggs, bagels and sausage I've ever had the opportunity to eat.  At lunch break we found that there was a beautiful mall attached to the hotel by enclosed crossovers and we ventured out to find a place for lunch.  We came across PF Chang's and liked it so much we went there for the next 2 days for lunch.  Everyday we tried something new.

After a long afternoon soaking up information from lecturers we decided to head for Legal Seafood, a highly suggested restaurant nearby.  Some good wine, a succulent dinner and walk back to our room was what we all needed.

Getting invited to the "First Time Attendee Breakfast" was exciting.  We got there expecting omelette's and such and what we got was fruit, buns, coffee, juice and pound cake.  Needless to say we were a bit hungry when it came around to lunch, which is why decided to back to PF Chang's for another yummy lunch.

We enjoyed dining at on Friday night.  More good food and great conversation, we kept adding pounds to our butts.  We sit all day and eat and sit and eat then sleep.  Reminds me a little of my dogs day except no one lectures to him.

We had a great trip both intellectually and socially.  We didn't haav to pahk the cah in Havid Yahd!

Life is Good (as it can be)

So - since Jim has been at Loretto there has been a TV in his room, left apparently by the former occupant.  It was a 1980's type big, heavy tube model.  It seemed to work fairly well a 1st but recently the picture has been going flookie making it annoying to watch.  So even though there was never a complaint from Jim, I was flipping out when I was there watching TV with him.

Today I said "That's it".  I went to Walmart and got a flat screen (light as a feather) for Jim and took it up today to hook it up.  I got some assistance from David, one of Jim's aides, who lifted the albatross off the shelf and made it disappear.

I did the "simple" hookup that the young sale professional guaranteed me it would be.  I turned it on and it loaded the channels and presto-chango it was ready for action.  I got out a couple of Smirnoff Ice (that I packed and smuggled in for Jim and I), cut some sharp cheddar cheese and put out some pretzel chips.  I settled into my regular chair and we were ready to watch.  Our luck, a good Will Smith was on and we spent some good time together watching a movie and snacking.  Just like our past Saturdays!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Life is good - or at least as good as it can be right now.

Friday Letters

Dear Home: I know you need a scrubbing from top to bottom but I'm not in the mood.



Dear Archie: Now you are throwing up.  Why do you develop symtoms after 5pm on Friday when the vet is closed for a long weekend? 






Dear Jim:  Life has sure dealt you a lousy hand.  Sorry I am not able to care for you at home.  You don't deserve this!








 Dear Anya:  Stop anoying Archie, he doesn't feel good! 





Dear Weekend:  I wish you were longer.

Enjoy Memorial Day weekend and remember those who lost their lives to keep us free!

I Soooooooo Need a Long Weekend

I don't want to sound like a complainer, whiner and ungrateful chump.  What I am saying is that it will be nice to have an extra day that I might be able to call my own.  I want to catch up on "spring" cleaning.   That pretty much consists of washing windows and dusting eveything.  I've got to say that my days of polishing from top to bottom have dwindled to tidy and organized. 

With my time being shared with work and visiting Jim at Loretto, I find myself dozing on the couch and procrastinating my duties to another day.  With this "x-tra" day hopefully I can get my yard work done, windows washed, laundry done and breathe!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and don't forget to say a prayer for our military personnel who have given of themselves so that we can live here in peace.  Remember it's not just the men and women on the front line who give their everything, it's also the military personnel stateside who train, work and prepare for what could happen.  They also sacrifice their time and family to assure that we have the best protection we can have if and when something should happen.

Everyone enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nancy

MY Friday Letters

Plagiarizing my nieces idea of wrapping up the week which I find amuzing, I thought I would jot my Friday Letters.

Dear Archie:  Sorry you are having trouble with your back leg.  Don't know why you are limping, but as Dr. Baker said, if you aren't better in a few days we may need to take you in to the office to have it checked.

Dear Anya:  If you are the reason Archie is limping, mommy's gonna punish you!  You need to leave the little old dog alone.

Dear Office:  As much as I like my job I have to say that I am sure glad this week is over.  Although I only worked 3 days, it seemed like 6.

Dear GPS (Natalie):  Thanks again for your continued support to get me from point A to point B.  It was also good of you to help get us out of a lost mode when we were looking for the winery in Placerville, CA.  I thought Todd was going to blow his gasket!  You are my hero!

Dear California:  I will be back!

Dear NY State Lottery:  I'm buying a ticket this week and would appreciate it if you could make sure it is a winner of something substantial.  Pretty Please.

Happy Friday!

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

As the song states "I left my heart in San Francisco, high on a hill it calls to me".  I fell in love with San Francisco this past weekend.  It was lively, beautiful, scenic, fun and everything that I expected and more.

Going out to California to visit my baby boy and his special lady was full of love, special places and laughs. 

We toured, ate, played poker, had a few brewski's and shots and shared valuable family time.   We went wine touring on Friday purchasing several red tasty treats.  A little poker game to end the evening was rewarding for ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Saturday we hopped on down to San Francisco to see the sites.  According to locals it was one of the best days in a long time in the Bay area.  No fog, no clouds, maybe a bit breezy but sunny. 

We ate lunch at a restaurant on Fisherman's Wharf, hopped a tour bus for a ride around the burrows of San Francisco seeing memorable sites like the church that Marilyn Monroe and Joe Dimaggio wanted to get married, passed by China Town, Haight-Ashbury, Filmore street for shopping,

We rode across the Golden Gate Bridge and ate dinner at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Factory. Then we hopped the ferry back across the San Francisco Bay toward our car parked in Valera.

 I'm feeling the love of the area.  "When I come home to you San Francisco, Your gold sun will shine for me!!!!!!!!!!!"

.

As my life has headed into a stressful, heartbreaking era, my family is what keeps me positive and bring smiles to my face. 

I was fortunate enough recently to get to Virginia for a few days to see my new grand-daughter and both of my adorable and handsome grandsons.  I made time and found the energy to do an overnight trip to Detroit for my precious Emma's baptism and now a much needed trip to California to see my youngest son's new house.  It is their presence in my life right now that keeps me going and the strength not to feel sorry for my situation. 

What breaks my heart is that Jim is NOT fortunate enough to share these trips with me.  He adores his grandchildren and he has yet to meet his granddaughter Emma in person.  I tell him in detail all the things I share on my visits, but I know somewhere in his forgetful brain he must wonder why he isn't able to go with me.    He's always considered my children his from the get-go and is so proud of them and what they accomplish.  I know he would love to be here in California with me to see Todd and Christines house and visit with them.   I will bring back pictures and stories but it just isn't the same.

So today we are off to the wineries for some wine tours and testings, tomorrow is San Francisco (we'll catch the 45 minute ferry to there and back) and Sunday weather permitting Lake Tahoe.  Jim will be with me in spirit and I will take mega pictures to share with him.

See you Tuesday Jim.  Miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Date Night - Saturday Night

Saturday night has long been a traditional pizza and movie night.   Kind of a "date night" for me and Jim.  Ordering out at our favorite local establishment or making our own at home.  I got so I would buy a plain cheese pizza and dress it up different every week.  We have experimented with Greek pizza, chicken wing pizza, veggie pizza, Philly cheese steak pizza, polish kielbasa pizza, taco pizza - you name it and I will put it on a pizza shell.

Feeling that Jim needs an occasional change with his environment, I want to make the times we spend together a little more special, bringing dinner some nights to change up from the dining room with residents.

I told him Thursday that I was bringing pizza for dinner on Saturday and we would have one of our usual pizza and a movie night.  He said "Oooo can I have a beer too?"  I told him I would ask.  I think he's looking forward to it.

Today I called the nursing home to ask before bringing a beer into Jim.  They pretty much said what we don't know wont hurt us.

So I bought some chicken wings and cooked them up with my hot sauce, bought a traditional pizza with sausage and pepperoni and of course some Labatt's Blue.  We don't have a VCR in Jim's room but he will watch any movie that is on TV, so Saturday will be a date night for Jim & I.  We can munch our pizza, sip our beer and hold hands while watching our movie.

And like any good date, when the movie is over I will give him a kiss goodnight and go home like a good girl! 

Senior Dilemma's

My days lately have been filled with long hours consisting of work, visiting Jim at the nursing home and keeping up my house.  My days are long and hard on my poor little senior dog who needs to urinate more frequently than every 14 hours. 

I put "belly bands" on him to keep him from peeing all over the floor. 

Well, it's a good idea for a while but after 13-14 hours, still needing to pee, he was wet and laying in his bed that had to be washed also.  So my next idea was to put "potty pads" down.  Those are used to train puppies so I thought "what better idea! It will give him a place designated just for him and I can just pick them up and throw them away".  Again, great idea but my Archie liked the carpet in front of the bathroom better. 

So a gate!!! Well one big enough to stretch across the area I needed, whew, they were costly.  I didn't want something tall so I couldn't step over it.  I don't have to worry about Archie, he can't jump over anything.  So I beckoned to my "creative" self .  It took some thought but as I wandered through Walmart in the home section I saw it!  A small window screen!!!!!!!!!! 

Perfect height but now how do I make it long enough?

Buy 2 and hinge them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am soooooooo my fathers daughter.  My daddy was the "jury-rig" expert!  My kids would always say "Give it to Grandpa, he can fix it".  

I definitely would have earned his praise with this project. 

Now remember, my senior poochie is a boy, and boys lift their leg and try to squirt as far as possible. Therefore after a couple of trial days with some misses, I learned to center the pads under the gate so when he lifts his leg the carpet is also covered.  

It's not the best solution but it saves his bladder from bursting and releases me from the guilt of leaving him for such long periods.

Trains, Planes & Automobiles

One of my ALL TIME favorite movies is Steve Martin and John Candy in "Trains Planes and Automobiles".  For any who have sadly missed out on seeing this hysterically funny movie, it is about a guy who is trying to get home in time for Thanksgiving with his family and attempts every form of transportation to get there.  Of course there is lots of humor thrown in with these wonderful comedians. 

My mention of this movie is because every time I make the "weekend" trip to Detroit, MI for some special occasion my daughter-in-laws family is having, I think of this movie.  This weekend is my new grand-daughters baptism.  They are having it in Michigan because it's in the church my daughter-in-law attended and the god-parents are from there. 

Anyway, I get the train out of Syracuse at 9:35pm Saturday getting to Toledo at 5am.  Changing to a bus arriving in Deerborn, MI 7:25am.  Someone (with their car) will pick me up at the bus station and I will go to their home and quickly change clothes, freshen up and head to the church for Emma's baptism.  I will attend a celebratory luncheon with family and friends following the baptism, then I will change clothes and have someone drive me to the bus station for my 6pm all night trip back to Syracuse. 

It's crazy I know, but traveling this way works when I have minimal time and money and want to attend a memorable event.  I would hate to miss my pretty little grand-daughter's baptism.  I have made the other 2 and wouldn't miss this one. 

Saddened my friends!

I started blogging because my very talented niece blogs and I enjoyed her work so much I thought "Hey, what the heck, maybe my friends would like to read the crap I have to say".  I have been told by some that I my writings are good but my "followers list" remains close to empty.  My niece, of course is a follower - she's loyal!  But my friends who I direct to my blog to read remain non-followers.  WHY?????????????????

I  know sometimes I'm sad and not so chipper.  I have some low moments because of my husbands health condition and the progression brings me to other thoughts that perhaps others may be sharing. 

I'd like to share about my work day.  I really love my job and there are times that something is said or a comment or jesture turns us into hysterical baboons.  My cohort-in-crinme is missing in action due to an illness that she is trying to recouperate from.  I have been loaned (as I have been told) one of the clinical assistants who has been fun.  I instructed her today that the end of the day is the "silly" time for us at the front.  She has to step up to be silly and laugh with me.  Today - we laughed - a lot!

Anyhow - lets get back to my FRIENDS.   Are you going to be "followers"?  Come on, please.

Decisions, Decisions

I was brought to reality this week when the physical therapist and nurse told me that Jim was targeted to end his therapy on 4/4, which in nursing home language means 'you need to decide what you are going to do about Jim's care because his insurance won't cover anymore'.    I was told that he had declined and his therapy couldn't continue without progress.  The therapist said that in his condition we would see good and bad times but she felt that it would not be in his best interest to go home for both of us. 

I guess there was always truth in back of my mind that he wouldn't come back home, but I hoped he would beat the odds.  Realistically, even though he has his good moments, there are many concerns and behavior that needs constant attention.

So I was faced with the BIG decision. I hate decisions, I hope I made the right one. 

Monday, Monday, I Hate That Day!

It's Monday folks and unlike many other Mondays it certainly wasn't a disappointment in the MONDAY catagory.

Most Mondays consist of computer issues, lack of staff, lost patients, telephone insanity, chaos and late hours.  Today qualified in 3 out of the 6 categories!

Today the loss of staff was the BOSS!  Sick, vomiting and not willing to face patients, she copped out on the day.  The loss of patients category was above average.  Not counting the cancellation of the BOSSES patients, we lost another 9 to illness, school schedules, work meetings, and I just forgot.  The telephone insanity was quite insane.  With the staff not as busy as usual they got to experience how insane Monday phone calls can be.  We lucked out on our usual computer issues unless you put my favorite copy machine "Lucy" into that category and SHE was acting out.  Not refusing to work but giving us some lines in our papers and unwilling to accept document feeder material.  Obviously since there was a significant lack of patients there was minimal chaos and we were able to walk out of the office about an hour earlier than our usual Monday hours.

Tuesdays on the other hand are another story, but since Monday was a disaster, it could make for an interesting Tuesday.

Happy Week --------------Nancy

My Prayers Weren't Answered

How do you crawl out of the trenches when the enemy keeps you a prisoner in them?  I certainly thought that I was on the road to an OK future over the past 2 weeks,  I saw significant improvement in Jim with his ability to stand with minimal assist, transfer from his wheel chair to his bed with almost no help and a bright colorful look on his face when I would see him.

A few days ago when I went to see him the aide was getting him ready for bed.  He had a hard time pulling himself to a standing position for her to clean him up.  He concerned not only me but the aide was taken aback by his weakness.  She got him into his wheel chair and over to the bed when he would normally have stood and turn by himself and sit on the bed to swing his legs up.  Not tonight!  He needed her assistance and mine to get him transferred to the bed.  My heart was sinking.

Yesterday the physical therapist asked for a meeting with me where she updated me on his decline and how concerned she was for his return home.  She said he went from walking around the whole floor with just her hand steadying him to not being able to get out of his chair without 2 people assisting and could only walk about 10 feet. 

Why??????  He has told me he doesn't think he is getting better even though I encourage him with how much improvement I have seen in him.  Loretto is going to call in the orthopedic doc about his arm and his hip and call in the neurologist to see if there is more happening neurologically that would have induced the decline.

For now Jim will be staying where he is.  Thank God the people there are pleasant, helpful and family.  I hate this decision but know that I can't control the inevitable

I'm sad,   I had hopes over the past few weeks that Jim was moving in a positive direction physically to be able to come back home, if even for awhile.  I really was not ready to live without him.  I know he wouldn't be ready to live life like this. 

For now Jim will be staying where he is.  Thank God the people there are pleasant, helpful and family.  I even feel connected there.  I pray every day that things will change.  I hope I can count on a little mention in your prayer requests for a day when Jim will be able to come back home.

Where Oh Where has my Little Boy Gone

Dementia, Alzheimer's whatever you want to call it.....it's a disease that dumps its victims into a Twilight Zone of forgetfulness and lost time.  They can remember, just not the current.  They live in the before and don't understand the now.

My poor husband has asked me for the last 2 days "What does the boy do when you aren't home?  "What boy?  The dog?  "No our boy who lives with us," " Todd."  "Honey Todd hasn't lived with us for 15 years.  He's 35 now and living in California."  With a shocked look he stammers and exclaims "Are you kidding me?"  How frightening must it be to be told that you've just lost 15 years?  We talked about the boys and who and where they are. 

Tonight again he asked about our "boy"  I explained to him that Todd is fine and in California with Christine.  With a blank look on his face and just smiled.  He said with question in his voice "Tom?"  I said Tom is gone, remember he died.  He said no - I don't remember.  He asked how and we discussed the night we were told about Tom.  Sadly he just shook his head and said "what has happened to my head, I can't seem to remember anything".

My evenings with Jim are reminiscent of days ago.  It's like being at a family reunion every night when you talk about the "things" people did years ago.

I can't tell when I leave if he is saddened by the revelation that he is losing his grasp on his memory or if he is drifting back to the before and forgetting that he even asked the questions at all. 

As sad as it is to think about his future, we do have some laughs and giggles when I'm there.  He hasn't become the grumpy old man with me or the staff.  They actually enjoy his banter and love his compliments when he tells them "You done good".  He's becoming comfortable with his surroundings and I am comfortable with how he is taken care of.

I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but for now it's as Jim always says "One day at a time".

Nancy

My Week Sadly in Review

    I started my week out on Sunday on the computer and on the phone trying to get a flight out of Norfolk.  After many wasted hours I gave up and decided to just spend the rest of the evening at home with my son and his family.

   Monday morning bright and early thinking I would definately be able to get out of Norfolk and into Syracuse, I was in touch with my contact at Syracuse airport only to find out I didn't have a chance in hell of getting into Syracuse.  So instead of wasting my whole day as I did on Sunday, I forgot about trying and spent the day playing with my grandchildren.

   On Tuesday at the crack-ass-of dark I was at the airport in Norfolk with the good chance to make it to Syracuse by 8:30am after a brief stop in Philly.  Yeh, well when landing my phone messaged me that the flight out of Philly at 7:30 was cancelled due to fog.  For the rest of the day I walked from one end of the concorse to the other for every flight that was heading to Syracuse only to be bumped.  I had to have some nurishment and bought a sandwich and water to the tune of $15.00.  OMG I think I know why flights are cancelled.  Because the airport needs to make money !!!

Finally my ass found a seat on the 5:30pm flight and for that I was grateful since the next one wasn't leaving until 8:59pm.  I arrived in Syracuse and needed to take a cab to my office where my car had been left. Thinking that would be cheaper than leaving my car at the airport, I was sadly mistaken.  I cost $21 to move me less than 3 miles AND of course you have to "tip" the driver, I guess for just getting in the car.  Whatever, at least I was in the nearly home.

   I worked Wed and Thurs mostly to get the things done that had been left for me.  I went into the office on Friday which is something that I avoid at all costs unless it's absolutely necessary.  Well unfortunately it was necessary this week.  Too much work pilled up to face the next week.

  Well here it is Sunday night and I don't even know where the week and weekend went.   I have come to realize that as we get older the time seems to fly by. Funny but I don't remember the time going by so fast when I was sitting in math class in high school!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a good week.

The Beautiful Mind

The Mind, what a beautiful, amazing organ.  It can hold infinate information.  It continues to absorb knowledge day after day.  It can be remarkably creative.

But let a stroke or blood clot or Alzheimers/Dimentia invade it’s tissue, it changes into a completely different mass causing the life of its beholder to change.

Last night was a very harmonious night where Jim seemed very coherent.  We actually talked and I explained how he got to where he is now.  He was shocked!  He absolutely didn’t remember anything I told him.   He just kept saying that he honestly didn’t remember, didn’t remember anything.  He seemed overwhelmed with what he was hearing and just kept saying that he couldn't believe what he put me through.   I was worried that I might have frightened him with all of the details.

Tonight when I visited I asked him if he worried about anything that we talked about last night.  He said “What? What did we talk about?”

Ah – the Beautiful Mind!

The Best Way To Be Stuck

I was very fortunate to be able to get away from Syracuse for a quick trip to visit my family in Virginia, especially my 3 beautiful grandchildren; Liam, Connor & Emma.

In order for me to get away I needed to draw on the help of many (who I  will be forever indebted)!  My best friends son-in-law arranged for me to get a significantly lower price ticket so I could fly.  My son Dean stepped up as caretaker of my animals Archie & Anya, making sure they were fed, litter changed, water freshened and dog poop walked.  He also stood in for me as the Jim visitor and laundry washer.   My co-worker Erika helped me out by covering at work because my regular goomba is still recouperating from surgery.

It was such a wonderful St. Patricks Day being able to spend it with my little "Irish" family.  Parading, eating our Reuben sandwiches and sipping irish drinks with my son.  WooHoo!!!!!

Now here's the kicker - Once I got here I can't get back!  Silly me thinking that I could fly standby the weekend of returning "spring breakers" and NCAA tournament site seakers.  BUT thanks to the help of my "source" in the airline industry - I should be able to make it out and back to the grind Tuesday morning. 

I can't complain because it allowed me some extra time with these little beauties.  After spending ALL day Sunday running around to get on a flight, and having my "source" keeping me updated on the unlikeliness of getting out Sunday AND Monday - I chose to say SCREW IT for Monday so I could actually spend the day with my family instead of wasting the day (like Sunday) TRYING to get on a flight. My "source" says my chance looks good for the crack-ass-of-dawn flight Tuesday to get out of "dodge".   Soooooooooooooo I'm not checking flights or running to the airport and back - I'm gonna play, kiss, and spend the last day with my little buddies.

 

Just an Oversight

It was gently brought to my attention that I have blogs about my children and my grandchildren but nothing about my daughter-in-law.  Certainly not intentional because she IS my favorite daughter-in-law WAIT-my ONLY daughter-in-law! Doesn't she have pretty babies?

Here I am!

I got here!  Finally!  After a really long wait!  With the help of my family (Dean) and my friends (Erika & Shelley's Michael).  Finally I got here to VA  to see my grand babies. 
Liam and Emma                                                                                                      

They are so very precious!

I will have to post a photo of my Big Boy Connor in a later post since we were running late when dropping him off to school and I couldn't get his photo.

What the Heck Happened

Wow, I'm the person who is the dependable one - the one who is never sick, never misses work, always where I'm suppose to be!  Well apparently not this week!

I've been going to the nursing home to see Jim every night after work and for a few hours every day on the weekend.  This past Tuesday I had a meeting with the treatment planning team at noon. 

So I left work and went to the meeting and while I was there got to visit with Jim during his lunch before he was whisked off to physical therapy.  So when the day went long at work, getting out a little later than normal, I thought "well, I saw him today so I will skip going up tonight and give myself a little break and get home a little earlier, maybe eat before 8pm".  So I went home, walked the dog and had a small sandwich and relaxed. 

About 2am my stomach was churning.  I was sick to my stomach and felt I was going to hurl.  Nothing was coming up but the uneasiness of my stomach was keeping me awake.  When my alarm went off at 6 I got up and thought well, maybe it will pass.  OH NO!!!!  I didn't make it to a standing position before I hurled in the bucket I got earlier "just in case".   Nice!!

Well after  a few minutes I felt better.  Thought it was a fluke, so I jumped in the shower and thought it will pass.  OH NO!  Stepped out of the shower and had a rerun of before.  So I reluctanly called the boss and said I can't make it today (Wednesday's being one of our busy days).  She understood since, well I never call in sick.  I called the nursing home and said "Please tell Jim I won't be there today because I am sick". 

The next morning feeling a bit better (but not quite 100%) I went into the office to catch up on work that was left for me.  No one was woring due to vacations and days off so I knew I wouldn't infect anyone.  The longer I worked the more my stomach started feeling bad.  I was like "what the heck" and OH NO started rebelling from the other end.  I got home before any messy incident and called the nursing home and said "Please tell Jim I won't be there again today because I am still sick". 

I slept most of the evening and through the night unable to move well due to very sore bottom.  This morning I felt better, not vomiting, no diareha but very shakey and still not feeling like my self.  I decided I wanted to give it one more day so not to take any germs to the nursng home to cause any illnesses.  Again, "tell Jim I can't make it because I'm still sick".   (poor Jim, I haven't seen him in 3 days but he doesn't realize it.  Dean went to visit him today and asked if Jim saw me yesterday and Jim responded "Just briefly". 

Moral of the story - Don't ever think you are invincible.  Germs CAN invade your suit of armour.

Stay Healthy

Nancy

My Wait Might be Over

After a very long 75 days from the time my grand-daughter was born, I will finally get to see her in person and hug the little bug!  I don't want to get too excited, things have happened that have delayed my visit so I don't want to jinx it.  BUT my good friends son-in-law is getting me a standby flight at an affordable fee so I can leave next Wednesday.  Not a long trip but I will at least get to see my grandchildren.  All of them!!!!

With Jim in Loretto Rehab, I will leave Dean in charge of visits to make sure he's ok.  I will also have Dean care for the cat and dog.  I can't wait.  I miss them so much!

My Happiness Is

My niece challenged people to tell what was “Happiness in their life”.  (By the way to enjoy a great entertaining blog log on to  http://takingnotescoasttocoast.blogspot.com and enjoy her life.  She’s very entertaining.)

Anyway, she asked what was Happiness in our life, so I thought I would tell my blog followers what is HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE:

First  there is nothing better than the happiness you feel when you have grandchildren!  When the first one is born it is an amazing experience.  My heart all but jumped out of my chest when I got the phone call and my son said listen to your grandson crying.  Oh God it was like a blessing from Heaven.  Now that he’s 12 years old he still makes my heart melt when I see or talk to him. 

Next I would say that Happiness is my second and third grandchildren.  It never gets boring.  The phone call when the precious life is born is a rush of adrenaline.  As seniors in this world, it is the best feeling ever.  My grandchildren unfortunately live a ways away from me.  So to see them on the new-fangled Skype and have them smile when they see you - it melts your heart. 

Next I would say that Happiness in my life is my husband Jim.  Not that he takes second place, but it’s a different feeling of happiness.  He has provided me a life of extraordinary experiences.  We traveled to places I may never see again.  He introduced me to his profession and made me feel special when we would go to work sites and he would have workers show me the operation.  He has always been compassionate and a wonderful spouse.  Life has been unfair to him by leaving him with the disabling disease of Dementia/Alzheimers.  My heart breaks whenever I think of what he had planned for his senior years and now what it has become.  He still makes me laugh and bring happiness to my life.

 


Of course one of the biggest forms of happiness is your children.  Giving birth, raising and letting go to their mature life is a beautiful part of happiness in my life.  Of course there are tough times but the good times out weigh those with pride and joy for the  lives you have created.  As adults I couldn't be more proud and happy with the men they have grown to be.

Happiness is also being fortunate to work in an environment that you enjoy.  The office I work in is great.  We are all women and our work environment can be hectic but is rarely stressful.  Although it is a job and you work for a paycheck, we are a unique family of caring and generous people.  It's hard to find a place to work that is enjoyable but I have just that. 

There are many things that bring happiness to my life.  It's not one or two things, it's a culmination of everything and everyone involved in my life.  My children, their spouses, my neighbors, my pets, etc., etc., etc.

Happiness is what you make it.  You can choose to be happy or you can allow yourself to be miserable, it's all how you deal with things.